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And now I'm scared

Writer: Wolf TamerWolf Tamer


After 23 blood and 2 urine tests, I got a text message a few days ago. All it said was that my provider submitted a referral. It didn't say what kind. I called their office, and I was told that I had been referred to a hematologist due to my mildly elevated blood calcium level. I previously looked that up right after I got my lab results. The most common reason for mildly elevated calcium levels is related to the parathyroid glands that produce too many hormones. Fine, I can live with that, although I wasn't very happy about the fact that the actual cure is freaking surgery. But then other test results were off as well. Yep, I admit, I jumped on Google. I know that one result cannot show the big picture, but those three kept leading me to something that scared the hell out of me: Blood cancer, more specifically, multiple myeloma. It's relatively rare, especially at my age, I have zero symptoms, nobody in my family was ever diagnosed with a plasma cell disorder, and elevated blood calcium level shows up only when it's already advanced. I tried not to worry. I sent a message to my rheumatologist to get more information about the "why". I soon received an answer. "Occasionally, those results can indicate blood cancer..." I felt numb for a moment. If she thinks it's a possibility, then it's a possibility. Maybe I'm rare...and special. I like to feel special, but not in this case. I understand that my doctor wants to be thorough and rule out the worst. I'm grateful for that. It's a good approach. But...but...


I'm now waiting for a call to set up an appointment with the hematologist. Whenever I think about it, my stomach shrinks to the size of a peanut. I'm being very impatient. My biggest issue is waiting for the appointment, then the test results. I'm ready for the worst case scenario. People always scold me about that. Don't catastrophize! I disagree. If I think about the worst possible outcome, I won't be that shocked. I hate surprises.


Image credit: Psychologytoday

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